Oh boy, you’re googling “how to work with someone with autism.” There’s probably a story there.
As an autistic person myself, I 110% know that I can be difficult to work with. From my incessant questions and follow-up, to my in-office aversions, to the facial expressions I’m supposed to keep to myself, I’m fully aware that I don’t fit the mold for traditional office “brand.”
What I do know is that I’m trying the very best I can all day long. I’m constantly sifting through and editing my thoughts, mirroring the body language and social cues of those around me, and pushing past sensory overload to avoid inconveniencing you as much as possible.
What I also know is that the few non-autistic people who have recognized my autistic traits and made small, reasonable adjustments to meet me in the middle, have gotten the very best version of me that I’ve been able to give. When people don’t just roll their eyes at your unique challenges, but make an effort to help level the playing field, you naturally want to mirror their efforts and good will.
What textbooks say about autistic individuals…
If you look up autistic traits in a textbook or online, you’ll find an overarching list very similar to this one:
- Different social communication style
- Sensory issues
- Need for predictability and routine
- Executive functioning challenges
- Regular fatigue or burnout from masking
While the list makes sense, it doesn’t exactly explain how to spot these “symptoms” in specific settings, like your workplace.
My goal today is to explain how each of these general autistic traits might show up in an autistic coworker…and the best way to help navigate our unique challenges to partner more successfully with us.
A quick disclaimer: I’ll be using the word “I” instead of “we” in this post because no two people experience autism spectrum disorder the same way. I don’t want to put words into anyone else’s mouth, so I’ll stick with describing my own workplace experiences over the last 25 years.
Different Social Communication Style in Autistic Employees
I might not have much to say.
The fact is that I’m not going to add anything to a conversation unless it’s either new information and/or clarifies the details. I just don’t see the point in repeating what someone else has already said.
With that said, please don’t assume I’m not interested in contributing. I’m just not interested in wasting anyone’s time, including yours.
I focus on the point or goal of a conversation. Less is more.
I’m constantly focused on the point you’re trying to convey. The more you reword and repeat the same thing, the more I’ll struggle to follow you.
If you can’t resist rabbit trails (Some people are born storytellers!), it’s a good idea to at least summarize your point at the end, so I can walk away from the conversation knowing exactly what you need from me.
I won’t normally “sell myself” well to others.
Talking myself up while downplaying my weaknesses? Rewording things to sound more impressive?
It feels like lying to me. It’s literally a moral conflict. Because in my mind, facts and performance alone should prove my worth, without performing a potentially-misleading song and dance.
It’s important to remember that polished resumes, and interviews filled with optimistic promises, aren’t the only indication of someone’s potential in a role. Be careful you don’t overlook an autistic co-worker who might be the best candidate for a role, but who wants to stay true to their moral convictions.
I struggle to focus in-person and on-camera.
I can either pay attention to what you’re saying…or be on camera.
The fact is that face-to-face social interactions require my full attention on their own, as I analyze your facial expressions, body language, and social cues, and attempt to interpret and mirror them back to you. I don’t have the mental bandwidth to pay our conversation my full attention on top of that.
So don’t assume bad intentions when I’m camera-shy or struggle to make eye contact! I’m just trying to pay your words as close attention as possible, because I believe you deserve that from me.
Sensory Issues in Autistic Employees
I struggle to do quality work in person.
Between the bright lights, strong smells, loud noises, million conversations, and on-the-spot thinking going on, I struggle to do quality work in a typical office work environment. I may look okay from the outside, but I’m spending all of my focus and energy navigating this sensory overload nightmare, rather than knocking out that project I’m supposed to be working on.
Whenever possible, allow me to work in a sensory-friendly work environment, whether that means working from home or sneaking into a private meeting room with limited background noise. I’m not trying to be anti-social; I’m just trying to do quality work.
*Side note: Noise-cancelling headphones are a common accommodation, but please don’t assume everyone wants them! While some autistic adults don’t mind noise-cancelling headphones, others (myself included) already feel like they’re sticking out and don’t want add one more obvious differentiator between themselves and other staff members.
Loud, crowded places are my nightmare.
No, I do not get pumped up from big, company-wide events or loud cheering. I actually dread them the second I learn of their existence.
Heck, I don’t even look forward to my friends’ big birthday parties or crowded holiday gatherings with family members.
Cheering, loud noises, bright lights, and big crowds immediately take me to a state of sensory overload. Rather than assuming I’m a party pooper, or not one for team work, remember that I hear, feel, and experience everything 100 times bigger and brighter and louder than you do.
Imagine taking your quadriplegic friend to a nightclub and then shaming them for not joining in the dancing. This is the everyday experience of your autistic colleague.
I tend to dress for comfort.
With so many other sensory issues vying for my attention, I want to experience one less sensory input wherever possible. That usually means I dress for comfort.
It’s haaaaard to find clothes void of any negative sensory input; those that check all the boxes for me have to be soft, tag-free, loose-fitting (although some autistic people prefer tight-fitting clothing for the pressure it offers), and neutral-colored. When I do find a teeshirt or pair of shorts that meet all of these sensory needs, I tend to stock up, buying multiples in whatever colors/variations they offer.
This means I struggle to find clothes to wear in general, let alone to find professional business outfits, and will rewear the outfits I do have pretty regularly. Please don’t assume it’s me being lazy or unwilling to go the extra mile for the sake of my “brand.”
Need For Predictability and Routine in Autistic Employees
Change is hard.
The autistic brain thrives within predictable routines.
The fact is that once I work something into my routine, I’ll do it that way for literal decades. This can work to my advantage in many ways, but can also make change (and especially unexpected changes) incredibly difficult.
Don’t assume I’m just being hard-headed when I seem slow to adapt to even small changes. My brain is wired to keep doing things the way I always have, and it takes a very focused and persistent effort to override those patterns.
If you want to make change easier and smoother, it’s a good idea to give me a heads up on upcoming changes as soon as you’re able. This will give me time to mentally prepare and start shifting my existing routines to accommodate it.
Executive Functioning Challenges in Autistic Employees
I’ll ask a lot of questions.
In order to fully understand any topic, I need to answer any and every possible question about the subject. This is all part of the methodical, deliberate way autistic people process information.
That means I’ll ask a lot of clarifying questions and even do my own research to further confirm what you’re telling me, not because I’m being difficult, but because I need to know to close the loops in my brain. So please be patient and give us the benefit of the doubt.
This is an area where we shine, so you might even consider using our fact-finding skills to the business’s advantage! Autistic staff can help document new workflows and comms, anticipate questions and concerns, and proactively provide the details that the rest of your staff members will need.
I might struggle to think on the spot.
As mentioned above, I need to deliberately, methodically walk through my thought process. That means I might struggle when you ask me questions on the spot, not because I’m not knowledgable, but because my knowledge follows a very specific pathway between my brain and my mouth.
Whenever possible, share your questions ahead of time to give me time to process information, reflect, and collect my thoughts. Or, if questions show up in real time, it’s a good idea to schedule a follow-up meeting to allow people time to reflect on the questions before coming back to discuss them.
I can process things better when they’re written down.
Speaking of thought processes, I have a much easier time walking through mine when the details are written down rather than hinged on strictly verbal communication. There’s just something about the written word that’s clear, documented, and accessible, that appeals to the black-and-white minds of autistic individuals.
I want to read through everything and be able to find it later to reference. So…write things down whenever possible. Put it in a knowledge base, an email, or a chat, but put it somewhere I can come back to reference again and again.
I’m constantly trying to close loops in my brain.
My brain is wired to close loops…to encounter an issue, craft a solution, and file it away for good. Until I can file it away, it will stay at the front of my mind, like the beeping of a refrigerator door that won’t stop until the door is closed.
That means that while a non-autistic person has already forgotten about that pending item and will get to it when they get to it, I’m unsettled mentally and emotionally until it’s completed.
So…if you say you’re going to do something for or with me, do it. If you’re the type to forget commitments you’ve made, write them down on a sticky note or set a reminder in your phone to follow up.
If you can’t close the loop right away, keep me up to date with regular progress updates. This will help me settle my brain (a little) and ensure me that you haven’t forgotten your commitment.
Regular Fatigue or Burnout From Masking in Autistic Employees
I’m constantly hiding my true thoughts, overthinking how I word everything, and trying to inconvenience you as little as possible.
While you’re working your one job, I’m working two – (1) the same job you are and (2) the 24/7 effort of “masking,” or hiding my autistic traits in order to accommodate my neurotypical coworkers (and a neurotypical world). Please show me some grace when (not if) I don’t do it all well.
If you want to take it a step further, consider creating a working environment where people don’t have to heavily filter themselves.
As a manager myself, I regularly encourage staff members to share their real, unedited thoughts and feelings. I tell them I can’t help them with concerns they never voice.
Equally important is making sure your reactions match your “open communication” stance when people actually share those thoughts and feelings. If you shame them for sharing, they’ll learn they do need to mask, despite you telling them otherwise.
Working is often the only thing I can accomplish in a day.
After 8-9 hours of masking my autistic traits in a work environment, helping my child with her homework, and cooking and cleaning up dinner, I usually have to tap out for the rest of the day. I feel so tired, heavy, and almost drunk from fatigue, that I struggle to function to even put myself to bed.
So when I tell you I’m maxed out, believe me. Don’t downplay my fatigue or tell me all I need is a strong coffee and some motivation.
Within the workplace, don’t encourage or pressure me to take on more than I can handle. Autistic burnout isn’t something you can power through; it’s something you avoid by carefully balancing your current load.
When it comes down to it, I understand how exhausting it can be to work with me. Believe me, I spend more time and effort accommodating my coworkers than you’ll ever know or probably believe.
I’m doing everything I can to adjust to neurotypical people, but no matter how hard I try, I’m going to fall short. By learning to recognize my autistic traits and making small, reasonable adjustments to meet me in the middle, you can help to bridge that gap between us so that we both get what we want – a successful working relationship.
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